According to a Pew Research Center study, 79% of Americans interact with artificial intelligence (AI) almost constantly or several times a day. Gartner predicts that by 2026, 80% of enterprises will be using generative AI in some form. That means we’re not just working alongside AI. We’re living with it.
Someone tagged me in a LinkedIn post recently, where she admitted to sometimes being rude to AI. I thought, “What a brilliant conversation we need to have!” Are we rehearsing incivility when we lash out at AI? Could this unconscious “practice” of being rude or even bullying AI impact how we treat human beings? What are we teaching AI if we’re mean to it?
Then I stumbled on a TikTok from a woman who’s worked in tech for almost a decade. She pointed out that our free tech isn’t actually free. We’re paying with our data, our communication styles, and our emotional patterns. And those very patterns are now shaping how AI learns and interacts.
AI Learns From Us, Even Our Tone
Let’s talk about how AI works. Large language models like ChatGPT learn to predict the next word in a sentence based on patterns in the text they’ve been trained on—and sometimes based on how you, the user, interact with them.
So if you pepper your prompts with sarcasm, insults, or hostility, you’re shaping the kind of responses you get. No, AI doesn’t “feel hurt.” But it does reflect your tone right back at you.
Here’s an example. A friend of mine told me she brings her smart, playful humor to ChatGPT and now it gives her clever comebacks and witty banter. Her experience with AI mirrors the way she shows up and she’s loving it. She’s finally met her witty match.
Compare that with someone who constantly “dunks” on AI. Their interaction becomes hostile, flat, or argumentative; essentially, they’ve trained their own AI experience to be unpleasant. And they’re reinforcing a neural habit of incivility.
What You Type Shapes How You Think
When you type a bullying comment to AI, your brain doesn’t know you’re “just kidding” with a robot. You’re practicing the habit of bullying.
- If you rehearse snark, it becomes easier to be snarky.
- If you rehearse cruelty, it becomes easier to be cruel.
- And the more comfortable you get being sharp or sarcastic in a “safe” space, the more likely that tone is to bleed into emails, meetings, or Slack messages.
It’s the same principle HR relies on in behavioral interviewing: Past behavior predicts future behavior. If your go-to is being hostile with a machine, don’t be shocked when that tone slips into your human interactions.
AI won’t file a complaint, but burnout, disengagement, and microaggressions don’t appear out of nowhere. They’re built in small moments like habits of communication, tone, and attitude.
Which means yes, one day the pattern of being uncivil to AI will land on HR’s desk.
Why Civility with AI Wins
Even if AI doesn’t “need” kindness, practicing civility with it still pays off. Here’s why:
- It builds better habits. You’re reinforcing the tone and mindset you want to bring to your work and your brain chemistry rewards positive, respectful interactions.
- It improves your AI experience. Thoughtful, polite prompts generate better, more kind responses.
- It protects your workplace culture. When civility is your default all the time, even with machines, it’s your default with people, too.
AI doesn’t need you to be nice. But you need to be nice.
Right now, your future tone, your team culture, and maybe even your AI experience are being shaped by how you engage today.
If your team is embracing AI tools, now’s the time to align tech use with your culture goals. Don’t let incivility slip in through a digital side door.
A great place to start is understanding where your culture stands. We always love to do that with a climate assessment. We collect data and help you build trust in leaders all at the same time. When done right, a culture survey reveals the tensions, values, and habits that define your workplace. It gives you the insights you need to lead with clarity and confidence.
It’ll help you understand if your culture will tolerate or even facilitate aggression towards AI – and more importantly, of course, towards people.
And if you’re already doing a survey, great! Just be sure it’s going beyond engagement and helping you understand the culture. Download this resource now and take the first step toward understanding what you’re getting in your current survey and how to shape a positive work culture.
Remember, the habits you form with AI are the habits you carry into the rest of your life, for better or for worse. I suggest choosing better, kinder, and more civil.
