You already know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of workplace “drama.” Complaints about rudeness, tension between team members, and employees quietly disengaging are all part of the daily grind.
You know it’s expensive. You know it’s draining for you to deal with it.
What you may not know is just how much it’s happening.
According to SHRM’s Civility Index, millions of acts of incivility occur every single day in the U.S., with nearly 40% of them happening at work. These small moments of rudeness cost American businesses an estimated $2 billion a day in lost productivity. If you want to know what portion of the $2 billion dollars your company is spending, check out our culture calculator and find out.
And the consequences are massive. Employees who experience ongoing incivility are more likely to:
- Mentally check out during the workday
- Avoid certain people or meetings (even if it impacts performance)
- Reduce their effort or commitment to the company
Could You Be Part of the Problem?
It’s a tough question, but one worth asking. Particularly because the peer-reviewed academic research on this question provides an unequivocal YES.
We wrote a blog about this just before my book, Navigating a Toxic Workplace for Dummies, was released. You can read the blog here.
(You may have also seen my ploy to get Johnny C. Taylor, CEO of SHRM, to pay attention to this fact as he continues to tell HR that civility is one HR’s top priorities right now. If you haven’t, hopefully you’ll hop in there to support me in this endeavor.)
Here are common ways HR becomes part of the problem without realizing it:
Normalizing Uncivil Behaviors
Eye rolls, sarcastic remarks, or consistent interruptions are brushed off as personality quirks or something you don’t have time to address given bigger pressures like that investigation you’re doing or payroll flub that’s got to be fixed yesterday. The risk of letting these micro-behaviors go, however, is that over time they become normalized. The more normal they are, the more tolerance people have for them, and the worse they become. And you’re sending the message that respect is optional.
Being Reactive Instead of Proactive
HR and their leadership team often wait for a formal complaint to take action, but by the time someone lodges their complaint the damage is already done. Teams may have been silently suffering for weeks or months, and disengagement has had time to take root.
We say that with the caveat that we know it’s not always HR’s fault. We’ve talked to thousands of HR professionals over the years and heard a common narrative from them – they’ve been trying to address the problem before it got out of hand, but they couldn’t get permission or resources to do so. (My book discusses this in detail.)
Inconsistent Accountability
High performers or long‑tenured employees sometimes get a pass for toxic behavior because they deliver results. The rest of the team sees that bad behavior is tolerated if someone is valuable on paper—eroding trust across the organization.
Again, we understand it’s not always HR that’s letting this behavior slip. In fact, one HR professional we spoke to was seeking a coach for a toxic leader after the leader received his seventh formal complaint about a toxic work environment. (Yes you read that correctly. It took seven formal complaints for the leader to give HR permission to solve it.)
HR as the Solution
HR can be the hero here. You have the power to flip the script and position yourself as the driving force behind a more civil, respectful workplace.
Get the Data
Start by assessing the true health of your culture. Our climate assessments/workforce survey can reveal hotspots before they explode into formal complaints. It doesn’t just scratch the surface; it digs deep, tailored to your organization, giving you actionable insights into your culture.
You can learn where the toxic hot spots are, which departments are psychologically safe and which are not, what managers or leaders are part of the problem and which are trying to make it better… and so much more.
Equip Your Leaders
Train managers to spot and address microaggressions and subtle rudeness. Tell them it’s part of their expectations, and that positive departmental survey scores are a must. A manager’s number one job is to manage people first, and yet we all know people leave managers – not jobs.
Our Manager Evolution Lab is designed to change that. This program begins and ends with a self-assessment and a team survey, allowing participants to compare their own perceptions of their leadership skills with how their team experiences them. Over six facilitated sessions, each paired with experiential, real-world assignments. Managers apply what they learn in real time. Download this flyer to learn more.
Refresh Your Policies
Clearly define uncivil behaviors even if they seem “small.” Then, outline how these behaviors will be addressed. Will there be coaching? A restorative conversation? Progressive accountability?
When expectations are clearly stated and consequences are transparent, it’s easier for everyone, employees and leaders alike, to feel confident taking action.
Make it clear to your workforce that respect will bring them rewards, and lack of respect will result in empathy and coaching, but it certainly will not be tolerated.
Make Civility Visible
Culture change doesn’t stick unless it’s visible. If you want employees to embrace civility, they need to see that it’s recognized, valued, and rewarded. Make positive behavior part of your daily narrative. Teach your workforce to be civil, communicate with empathy, and hold each other accountable to good behavior.
By taking a proactive stance, HR not only reduces the daily drain of incivility but also strengthens engagement, retention, and overall business performance.
The question is: Will you let incivility keep eroding your culture or will you be the force that turns pain into progress?
