The Secret to Being Happy by Staying at Home, your Heart

by Aug 24, 2022

From our episode, The Secret to Being Happy by Staying at Home, your Heartwith Pradeep Kumar Cheruvathoor

 

A couple years ago, my eight-year-old daughter made a kite at her school. She came home and she was running around the court flying her kite, and her little brother, who’s five years younger than him, wanted to have a kite, too. So all I did was take a piece of computer paper, punch a hole in it, attach a string on one end, and a ribbon on the other, so it looked like her kite. Obviously, it’s not going to fly, but he was just so happy to run after her and his little kite was just dragging on the ground, he was just happy as a clam.

Happiness is beyond all definitions. 

When we were children, we enjoyed our lives, whether we were breaking things or playing with other kids. We didn’t need anything to be happy. But as we grew up, we got conditioned to think that we would be happy if we got this job or if we made a billion dollars, and so all those counter-intuitive thought processes creeped into us as part of our cultural conditioning. The more we become aware of it, the better for us.

If we wait for things like, “I’ll be happy when I get this promotion, get this car, buy this house,” that actually hurts our happiness because we have all these expectations about how happy we’ll be and, they may not be met and then it actually drives down our happiness a little bit.

Happiness is never taken away from us. We are in control of our own happiness, and happiness is our own nature. So, the very act of looking for it when you’re already there takes it away from us.

There is no one-to-one correlation between happiness and what we’re desiring to try to achieve, what goes you’re creating in your mind. Our actual happiness is prior to that.

 

The secret to happiness

The more we understand the structure of happiness, the more it happens when we are in our peaceful state. We are happy, but when a desire comes, our energy jumps to a particular object or a particular state and tries to achieve it. And then, we come back to a natural state, and there is a kink in the graph of when the next desire comes. 

So during that time, we are by ourselves. We are happy. But we somehow correlate that happiness to the achievement of that particular object or desire, and then we get caught up in the illusion, whereas really it is sticking to that graph.

All our actions arise out of happiness. Whether it’s a single-celled organism or even highly evolved beings, they’re all searching for their own self, their own happiness, but unfortunately, the search is outside rather than inside. That’s the only challenge. 

 

Leveraging the power of silence 

Pradeep coached executives and he does it this way:

He goes into a deeper silence. Whatever problems they had just before they got into the silence, it’s all dissolved. It’s not solid. It’s no longer there because those thoughts have melted away, and then they’re able to see themselves more clearly from a corporate perspective.

They become more cohesive, more empathetic, and more helpful to each other without even saying every single word. Silence is like the mother from which all thoughts come, all languages, cultures, conditioning, every single word. That’s how powerful it is.

 

Achieving happiness in our personal lives

If you understand how we get conflicted, then that can open the door for happiness in the sense that we make it associated with our bodies. In reality, that’s just a label. We are the energy field in which everything exists. 

So, the more and more we become aware of that energy field, the less conflicted we are and the more we start to see it as part of ourselves. So, natural empathy arises. We start feeling that love, and not the love as we define it in so many words, but because of that oneness of experience that we start getting naturally. All the silos that are created by thought melt away and the solution is found.

About Catherine Mattice

Catherine Mattice, MA, SPHR, SHRM-SCP is President of consulting and training firm, Civility Partners, and has been successfully providing programs in workplace bullying and building positive workplaces since 2007. Her clients include Fortune 500’s, the military, several universities and hospitals, government agencies, small businesses and nonprofits. She has published in a variety of trade magazines and has appeared several times on NPR, FOX, NBC, and ABC as an expert, as well as in USA Today, Inc Magazine, Huffington Post, Entrepreneur Magazine, and more. Catherine is Past-President of the Association for Talent Development (ATD), San Diego Chapter and teaches at National University. In his book foreword, Ken Blanchard called her book, BACK OFF! Your Kick-Ass Guide to Ending Bullying at Work, “the most comprehensive and valuable handbook on the topic.” She recently released a second book entitled, SEEKING CIVILITY: How Leaders, Managers and HR Can Create a Workplace Free of Bullying.

Navigating the Era of “Quiet DEI”

Companies across industries are changing how they talk about Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI). Not too long ago, DEI was splashed across annual reports, websites, and conference stages. Now? The phrase itself has become a political lightning rod, and many...

3 Cultural Faux Pas You Might Not Realize You’re Making

Cultural missteps happen to everyone, even the most seasoned leaders and global brands.  Recently, American Eagle launched a campaign featuring actress Sydney Sweeney with the tagline “Sydney Sweeney Has Great Genes.” The pun on “jeans” was meant to be playful, but it...

HR, Are You Part of the Incivility Problem?

You already know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of workplace “drama.” Complaints about rudeness, tension between team members, and employees quietly disengaging are all part of the daily grind. You know it’s expensive. You know it’s draining for you to...

4 Strategies to Infiltrate Civility Into Your Global Organization

At its core, civility is the foundation of a thriving culture. It shapes how people communicate, lead, resolve tension, and show up, especially when challenges arise. Civility doesn’t look the same everywhere, however. What feels respectful in one culture might come...

Is It Okay To Bully AI?

According to a Pew Research Center study, 79% of Americans interact with artificial intelligence (AI) almost constantly or several times a day. Gartner predicts that by 2026, 80% of enterprises will be using generative AI in some form. That means we’re not just...

What Exactly is Civility vs. Incivility?

August is National Civility Month! Civility has recently climbed to the top of search trends, and with SHRM’s #CivilityAtWork initiative, the conversation is gaining real traction. But here’s the question: do you truly understand what civility means in the workplace?...

Is your workforce survey measuring the right things?

Many HR leaders rely on employee surveys to gauge the health of the workplace culture, but not all surveys are created equal. Whether you're using an engagement survey, a Great Place to Work® survey, or another tool, the question is: Are you gathering the right data?...

Conscious Unbossing: Why Gen Z Is Saying “No Thanks” to Leadership Roles

According to DDI’s Global Leadership Forecast 2025, 80% of HR professionals lack confidence in their leadership pipelines. CEOs are just as concerned, ranking “developing the next generation of leaders” among their top four worries. Gen Z is shaking things up. They’re...

The Workplace Culture Model Every Leader Needs to Know

We all want a workplace where people feel seen, heard, and valued. But building that kind of culture takes more than good intentions and inspirational posters. It demands a clear-eyed look at how people behave, how leaders lead, and how the organization itself either...

From Desperation to Determination: Reflecting on 16 Years of Growth

I just got an email from a spammer offering SEO help for my very old website — www.NoWorkplaceBullies.com. I hadn’t thought about that site in ages, so I typed in the link... and there it was. The original website I built the day I started my business — though it...