Being An Effective Communicator Works

by Jul 14, 2012

I had lunch today with a business associate – and he is a perfect example of a person who avoids feeling bullied by way of having effective communication skills, or social skills. Effective communication (essentially social skills), or what I call strategic resistance, will keep you out of feeling victimized by a workplace bully.

Let’s recap lunch – somewhere inbetween our sweet and sour pork and won ton soup we got on the topic of my research on workplace bullies. I told him my interest was in teaching victims of workplace bullying conflict management skills, by way of teaching them communication competence, or successful strategic resistance (social skills). I explained to him that I believed one’s communication competence, or ability to effectively communicate with others, would make them less likely to be victimized. If I could teach people effective communication, or how to speak in a manner that asserts power, or stand in an authoritative way, or come across with strength and courage, they could avoid being bullied by nature of these interpersonal skills. This resistance to bullying doesn’t require a grievance complaint with management or a conflict management meeting with a supervisor. It does, however, create a way for the victim to essentially push back on the bully, without being confrontational.

He responded by telling me that as a child he was bullied, and sometimes has felt bullied as an adult. He thinks feeling bullied is a result of his lack in conflict management skills, or ability to confront others. He avoids confrontation like the Black Plague he says, and that lends itself to feeling like a victim of bullying.

On the other hand, he proceeded, “The other day a co-worker told me she was intimidated by me up until she got to know me quite a bit better” and he thought, “How could someone be intimidated by lil’ ol’ me?” My answer to him: “You communicate with confidence. You command power like no other when you walk through a room. You understand communication better than most people” (we went to grad school together, and he teaches at some of the major San Diego universities).

The point? Today’s lunch buddy may not have conflict management skills when it comes right down to it, but what he does have is the ability to avoid getting into a situation involving conflict in the first place. He avoids these situations because he can communicate well. His gestures and word choice communicate power and authority, and friendliness, and even humor. Communicating effectively will keep your feeling like a victim contained. If you can exude power and confidence, the bully can’t touch you.

Do you know how much money chronically bad behavior costs your company? Spoiler alert – it’s a LOT higher than you want it to be. Download our data and worksheet to see how it’s costing your organization and what you can do to fix it.

 

About Catherine Mattice

Catherine Mattice, MA, SPHR, SHRM-SCP is President of consulting and training firm, Civility Partners, and has been successfully providing programs in workplace bullying and building positive workplaces since 2007. Her clients include Fortune 500’s, the military, several universities and hospitals, government agencies, small businesses and nonprofits. She has published in a variety of trade magazines and has appeared several times on NPR, FOX, NBC, and ABC as an expert, as well as in USA Today, Inc Magazine, Huffington Post, Entrepreneur Magazine, and more. Catherine is Past-President of the Association for Talent Development (ATD), San Diego Chapter and teaches at National University. In his book foreword, Ken Blanchard called her book, BACK OFF! Your Kick-Ass Guide to Ending Bullying at Work, “the most comprehensive and valuable handbook on the topic.” She recently released a second book entitled, SEEKING CIVILITY: How Leaders, Managers and HR Can Create a Workplace Free of Bullying.

How the Lack of Training Affects your Organization

The workforce is the heart of any thriving company. However, without proper training, employees may find themselves ill-equipped to meet the demands of their roles effectively.  Millennials think learning and growing are important reasons for joining a new company....

Why it’s Getting Harder for Some Women to Report Harassment

The United Nations Women found that about 1 in every 3 women has been sexually harassed at work. 3 out of 4 of them never report it to a manager, HR or anyone else. Imagine a world where every woman is treated with the respect and dignity she deserves. Unfortunately,...

How Companies Can Support Single Parents

Single parents face increased pressure as they balance full-time employment with the responsibility of caring for their children. This heightened pressure comes from various factors, such as economic challenges, limited support systems, and the need to provide for...

Why Your Reward System For Employees Can Fail Badly

Last week marked the celebration of Employee Appreciation Day! During this special time, many companies express their gratitude to their workforce, and one common way they do it is by giving out rewards.  Reward systems are a crucial aspect of employee motivation and...

Can a Wage Increase Make Employees More Productive?

In California, the upcoming minimum wage boost for fast food workers to $20 starting April 1st has ignited discussions about its potential influence on worker productivity.  Currently, the median hourly wage for fast-food workers in the U.S. is $13.43, while in...

Why Every Leader Needs to Worry About Toxic Work Culture

Employees quit their jobs for different reasons, and a major one is because of a toxic workplace environment. In fact, researchers discovered that between April and September 2021, toxic culture was the main reason why employees decided to leave their jobs. A toxic...

Civility Partners at 15 Years!

2024 marks an incredible milestone for us—our 15th-anniversary celebration! Yes, you read that right—15 years of making a positive impact on over 270 organizations served, thousands of employees, and millions of people worldwide! Thanks to the vision of our founder...

Driving Organizational Success Through Behavior Change

How can you make your workplace more exciting and successful?  Organizational success is not solely dependent on strategies or cutting-edge technologies. Instead, the key driver of success lies within the organization itself—specifically, within the collective...

How Much is Your Culture Costing You?

Creating a positive workplace culture isn't just a nice-to-have; it's a key player in the success of any business. It goes beyond token gestures like wellness days and promotions; it's fundamentally about how you treat your people, the support you extend to your team,...

Are you bamboozled by your company’s culture?

Your first day at a new job is a lot like embarking on an adventure. You step through the doors, eager and optimistic, your mind filled with expectations set by the promises of the company’s values and mission. For some, these principles are more than just words on a...