Take Back Control of Your Life

by Jul 16, 2012

This morning I came across a wonderful website, Overcomebullying.org, that belongs to an organization devoted to resolving bullying in schools and the workplace (Plug: Sign up for their newsletter), and I found one of their articles to make an extremely good point.

Sometimes the best way to deal with a bully is to quit your job. But to most that’s not an option, especially in this economy. As pointed out in one of their articles, “I Hate My Job, I Hate My Job, I…”, while your bills are one thing, your mental health and physical state are much more important. While you’re thinking, “Can I afford to quit my job and still pay my bills?” what you should be thinking is, “Can I really afford to be this unhappy?”

The fact of the matter is, you don’t just shut your feelings of hurt and anxiety off when you leave for the day. They remain with you at all times.

I became a workplace bullying consultant because of my own experiences. I was bullied by another Director-level peer. And… as the HR Director I was fighting for the rights of all of the staff members the bully was bullying. I found myself fighting wars for them in order to ease their own pain, because that’s what HR professionals do – take the brunt of the wrath of management if they can.

I left that job not because I quit, necessarily. I left that job because my boss came into my office one day, after about a year of my perpetual tardiness and extremely reduced productivity (normally way out of character for me), to point out that while I was once the highest producer and full of life and ideas, I was not putting in any effort at work anymore. We decided the best option for me was to leave – right then.

So, with my tail between my legs I packed my boxes, and left without warning. Scary… or so you’d think.

When I think back to that day I don’t see fear and saddness, I see beautiful rainbows and sunshine. My drive home from work that day, the day I was essentially asked to leave because my tormentor had ripped my self-esteem to shreds, was one of the best days of my life. Over the course of the next few weeks, I could physically feel the monkey climbing down off my back. I could stand up straight again and everything seemed brighter, literally, not metaphorically. My physical state changed – I felt happy and vibrant again. My mental state changed – I could see the world with clarity.

And where there’s a will there’s a way. I went out and immediately got another job full of life and fun. I loved going to work everyday. I was ultimately laid off, unfortunately, and that’s when I decided to start my own consulting firm.

While finding a job immediately may not be so realistic during this time, the economy will change – and you want to be ready when it does.

So start your planning now. Get the ol’ resume out and start filling in the gaps. You’re lucky because bullies target the smartest people with the most ideas, and the management favorites, so that means you’ve got a good chance at finding something new.

Keep in mind resumes should contain lots of tangible accomplishments with only a few job tasks that summarize your position. Be sure to keep the resume neat and clean, and use bullet points to make it easier for the resume reviewer to scan. Resumes only get 2-20 seconds of time, so you want to be clear and concise.

Also remember that there is no need to bind yourself to another 9-5er with a paycheck every 2 weeks. We often do, because it’s steady and it’s easy.

But if you want to leave now many companies are hiring consultants to do a little work here and little work there to cover the stuff that a now-laid off person may have been doing. Start asking around and using your business contacts – you may find there’s more demand out there for your skills than you thought.

 

 

About Catherine Mattice

Catherine Mattice, MA, SPHR, SHRM-SCP is President of consulting and training firm, Civility Partners, and has been successfully providing programs in workplace bullying and building positive workplaces since 2007. Her clients include Fortune 500’s, the military, several universities and hospitals, government agencies, small businesses and nonprofits. She has published in a variety of trade magazines and has appeared several times on NPR, FOX, NBC, and ABC as an expert, as well as in USA Today, Inc Magazine, Huffington Post, Entrepreneur Magazine, and more. Catherine is Past-President of the Association for Talent Development (ATD), San Diego Chapter and teaches at National University. In his book foreword, Ken Blanchard called her book, BACK OFF! Your Kick-Ass Guide to Ending Bullying at Work, “the most comprehensive and valuable handbook on the topic.” She recently released a second book entitled, SEEKING CIVILITY: How Leaders, Managers and HR Can Create a Workplace Free of Bullying.

Do you have formal buddy system in place for your new hires?

New hire buddy systems fail when expectations of buddies are not clear, and agendas aren’t provided, so people don’t really know what to do.

As someone who specializes in coaching abrasive and aggressive leaders, I’ve noticed some patterns. Topics that continue to come up in my coaching sessions time and again. Get this. There are things your organization could be doing that actually facilitate bullying. I...

Resolving Conflict: A Case Study

One of our clients had two employees who were struggling to get along. Both employees were key contributors, and the business owner was desperate for them to resolve their differences. It all started when one employee (I’ll call her Susan) was quick to email out...

Four Steps to Dealing with Difficult People

Difficult people are everywhere. It’s likely you have encountered someone at work who struggles to connect with others in a positive way, whether because they are a downer, a one-upper, a gossip, or other reason. While difficult people come in many forms, they all...

Latest book, SEEKING CIVILITY, is released!

I have just released my latest book, SEEKING CIVILITY: How leaders, managers and HR can create a workplace free of bullying and abusive conduct. I thought I'd throw up a few excerpts for interest: What Bullying Is Bullying is repeated abuse that creates a...

What Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Really Mean

Diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) are essential to creating a positive work environment where employees are happy and thriving. We work with organizations to assess and address any issues related to DEI, and we provide training and resources to help create a...

5 Action Items for Diversity, Equity and Inclusion in the Workplace

Building a healthy workplace where employees feel appreciated and respected requires, among other things, making it diverse and inclusive. It is essential for organizations that want to attract and retain top talent, foster innovation, and stay competitive in today's...

Toxic Work Culture: Three Behaviors That Contribute

Way before working at Civility Partners, I suffered from a toxic work culture. Even though I loved my job, it was very tiring—emotionally, mentally, and physically. The work environment was very unhealthy, and because of that, I made the best decision of my life by...

15 Tiny Habits To Kick Off Your New Year

If you’re anything like me, you kick off your New Year with all the lofty resolutions you can think of. In theory, it’s a great way to be intentional about your future. My problem in checking off those resolutions (and maybe yours, too) is twofold. First, I set...